The Bucket List.... and Realizations

A good friend of mine introduced to me today the idea of a "Bucket List" or a list of "Things to do before I die"... (Here's to you, good friend..;P) By introduced I mean specifically encouraged me to put my Bucket List down onto a sheet of paper.... The list, being slightly personal, will not be put up (sorry!) since this blog is only semi-anonymous in nature....


Writing down this list made me think about what I *really* want to do with my life and it has got me into thinking about prioritizing all these *wishes*.... I am naturally a kinda "aimless" person, as you can see in the blog title, and this sort of helped me to put things into perspective.... Yeah I know it sounds lame but making one teeny list gave me a purpose in life... :)


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Meanwhile on a slightly more personal note, realizations come in unexpected ways.... As a poke in the shoulder, a stab in the back, a slap on the face, a punch in the gut... well, you get my drift.... But in most forms realizations hurt... And they hurt more when you know you paved the way for the stab, slap or punch... When you know that the only reason you got hurt is because of you.... What sucks is that you know that you thinking too much will make you get hurt, but then you still do it...


It is like cutting yourself, this thinking too much... Hurting yourself, to make yourself feel better.... It is a weird philosophy.... You hear someone say something, you know its not gonna be the same tomorrow when his/her other, more important people are there but still, you let that word or that sentence get to you.... Get to you on such a level that you're smiling throughout the day, nothing and nobody can ruin your day.... When deep, deep inside, you know that tomorrow, everything's gonna go back to normal, you're not gonna be worth anything more than crap.... But then you choose not to hear that voice deep inside, that voice which knows what is best for you, and you are on a weird high....


The next day you wake up and to the person you meant so much to yesterday, you are nothing special..... The voice inside is silent, giving comfort but no, "I told you so" would hurt so much less....


<3 <3 <3