Forget it. Full stop.

I'm not sure what you want from me but listen to me, for a moment. Listen and try to understand. If you can't then go back to whatever you were doing, but at least I'll know whether you listen, whether you understand, whether you can understand.




From right now, just stop. Stop whatever you think you are doing to me. Its time you know that it hurts. It hurts worse than it would if you tore my heart out, slashed it up and smeared it all over the world.



Next time, tell me what you want from me. I'm sorry if I'm not as intuitive as you want me to be but I can't do anything about it. You know I'll give it to you if I have it, try to get it for you if I don't. even if it hurts me, I will, and you know it. It hurts more when you don't tell me, when I find out.



Every single time, you lift me up, throw me around, tear me down. Every single time, you make me cry. Every single time, I tell you I'm fine and you believe me. No I don't expect you to be that intuitive either but it is sad when you pretend to believe me and ask others to ask me whats wrong. It feels like we don't talk anymore, like you can't talk to me. It's like you think I can't talk to you.



I don’t even know what to do anymore. It hurts so bad but I know that crying is not gonna help. Getting worked up is pointless. So, I write. I'm writing what I'm feeling hoping you'll listen, hoping you'll understand, hoping you'll try to understand.



You don't have to pretend like you need me, I can handle not being needed. It's when you pretend that it hurts. It's worse when you make me hurt myself rather than when you hurt me…



I don't like it, this falling apart. And that is specifically what we are doing. Falling apart. And I'm sick of trying to pretend its all okay. I'm sick of trying to pretend that its all in my head. I'm sick of pretending that I'm okay feeling like a pain in the ass. I'm… sick.



You know what? Forget it. You don’t have to change anything. Go back to doing what you think is right. We'll face it at the end.