She had always loved him, since the first day she met him, back in high school. Even when she was with someone else, she could never erase his name completely from her heart. Like the little ballerina figurine that sat on her desk. The one that had broken into pieces, which she had managed to glue together, just because it had memories. There was still a miniscule missing piece, and there were those obvious cracks. With a pang she realized that she was always going to be like that ballerina on her desk. With a smile that hid her tears she realized that a part of her was walking away with him. She somehow knew, that part of her, would never be wholly hers again.
A cool breeze blew; it gently played with her hair. Soft caresses, as if to ease her pain. A leaf fell, and another one. Fall had arrived. Fall. Like how she had fallen, fallen for him. He didn’t know to catch her; he hadn't known that he had to catch her. Maybe if he had known he would have caught her. She smiled at how silly her thoughts were. Maybe, if, what if… her thoughts, even after all that had happened, were still trying to shield her from the truth. Still trying to protect her. Trying so hard to save her heart, her heart with the missing piece.
She stood still and watched him walk away, quite prepared to stay and watch his retreating back until it disappeared around a bend. The sun was setting. As it grew darker in the span of a minute, she watched him. Those shoulders whish had caught a million tears. Those arms which were often slung over her shoulders or around her waist, arms she had found it so easy to sleep in. That old leather jacket, she had given it to him years ago, the one he had put over her shoulders so often, to be chivalrous, or just to be close to her. That hair she had braided and pulled into countless silly hairstyles. She couldn't help the smile that crept up to her lips.
Maybe she would be able to smile, without the pain, while thinking about him, soon hopefully. She knew so many people who loved one person for very long and later regretted it. Even if it hurt to watch him go and to think about him now, she knew she would never regret it. She had always loved him, a love that was different from the love she had for the other people in her life, parents, siblings, boyfriends.
Nobody had ever come between them, boyfriends, girlfriends, nobody. Nobody ever came above each other. They still went out for their ritualistic ice cream or coffee every Thursday night. This habit had actually begun when both of them were dating someone else. Oh sure, her boyfriends were insanely jealous and many of his girlfriends called her a bitch to her face. The first time this had happened, he broke up with that girlfriend and had taken her out for brownies, saying that his best friend was much more important than his stupid girlfriend. She had smiled when he said that. She smiled now.
Neither of them knew what those ex-girlfriends had a problem with. Both of them had spoken about this many times but they never figured it out. They didn't realize that it was because he never spoke about them the way he spoke about his 'best friend'. Because he never looked at them with as much love as he did to her 'best friend'. They doubted that she was just his 'best friend'.
Best friend, she thought, wishing that he had ever, even once thought of her to be more than a best friend. If he had, she knew they could have made it work. At least she thought she knew.
She looked down at his watch on her wrist, an antique, a humungous thing. He had told her it was a family heirloom, something to remember him by. As if she could ever forget him.
It was late. It was time to go, to move on and to walk away.
I love you, always have and I always will. Whispering those words to the breeze, she wrenched her eyes away from the faded leather, turned around and walked. She brushed her hair away from her wet cheeks, looked at the wetness on her fingertips, smiled and kept walking
He turned around and saw her figure in the distance. He had wanted to turn around earlier, but he knew that he wouldn't have been able to keep walking if he saw her face. Then there'd be another round of goodbyes and tears. He hadn't wanted her to see his wet cheeks or his eyes, filled with emotion. Even in the distance he could see the way his jacket was too big for her, the way it hung till her legs. As he watched her, he knew his life would never be the same again. She would always be a part of him. He watched her, till she rounded the bend. Then there was nothing more to look at. So he continued on his way down the road. He whispered to the wind what he should have told her on the day he met her, seven years ago…
I love you.
*sigh*
ReplyDeletewoooooooow safa !! ur soo gud at this smtyms i wonder why u evn study in school nd den i rembr i need u dre so i nevr sed nything !! :)