Sparks

"I need the Cameroon file on my desk in one hour."

"Ye-"

My reply was cut off by an angry beep.

It is one thing to call me up during lunch on a half day and ask to submit a report on a case that should be none of my responsibility. But it is a completely different thing to hang up on me after forcing me to do your work.

And so I called him back.

"Good afternoon. You have reached --'s Assistant Manager Mr. Clarke's phone. How may I help you?"

"Melissa, connect me to Andrew. It’s Kate."

"Hold on please."

A few seconds later -

"Yes?"

"Andrew, you do realize that if the Cameroon file isn't on your desk in one hour, you are the one who would get fired and not me?"

Yes, it was a long sentence but I said it nicely. As devoid of menace as that statement could possibly be.

"Katherine?"

"Yes. I just thought you should have a clear idea of the situation."

He was, simply put, speechless. Of course he would be, nice little Katie never protests. Or maybe she did. Atleast, she did, now.

He started to say something but I hung up, cutting him off. *Evil laugh* in my head. Revenge is sweet, even if it is revenge in the most trivial schoolgirl meaning of the term.

A cab driver honked as I crossed the road (at a pedestrian crossing, when the little green man was lit up)

Oh screw you. I turned and made a gesture with my hand that my mother would not have been proud of.

Aww... It’s okay. She'll never know anyway.

Because even if she bumped into me headfirst in a street, all I’d get would be a polite 'Excuse me'... Atleast, that was better than dad. I hadn't even seen him for the last three years. Well, that's okay. It was pretty much the same the first twenty three years of my life, the only difference, was that for the last three I think he was pretty mad at me.

It’s okay. I'd made a decision, might as well deal with the consequences.

As I was having these deep contemplations in my head, I made my way down the street pushing through scores of people who were pushing other people out of their way to get to wherever they had to be five minutes ago.

I pushed open a door and the smell of warm bread hit me in the face. I smiled at the cute waiter and walked over to the corner booth where there was someone waiting for me.

“Hey Nat”

“Hey Kate”

He stood up, we kissed and we sat.

“Have you been waiting for long?”

“Naah… It’s cool. What happened?”

“Bastard Andrew said he wanted the Cameroon file on his desk in an hour.”

“Why don’t you tell him to take his shit somewhere else?”

“It’s okay… One more month and I’m out of that hell hole. How was your day?”

“The same. Michael’s letting the boss’s sub thing get to his head.”

“I told you that’d happen. What did he do now?”

“Nothing to me. Yet. Screw it. How’s the headache?”

“Terrible. By the way, I called Andrew back and told him that he might not want to hang up on me if he wanted to keep his job. Or something along those lines…”

“Whoa Tiger! Finally!”

“Whatever”

“No, seriously, doesn’t it feel great?”

“No it doesn’t…”

“Liar”

“Okay, yeah, it does.”

“Oh yeah!” he said, triumphantly, pumping his fist into the air.

The waiter arrived with our orders. We began our lunch.

“Nat?”

“Hmm?”

“Group of college girls, 10 o’ clock. Apparently they like older men…”

“Older married men you mean.”

“Hey, I’d never put you in handcuffs…”

“I know. Precisely why I’m tied down to you.”

We’d been married for three years. I hadn’t seen my parents since. He was all I had, friend, lover and anything else.

Lately it’d been different. No, we still had the cheesy ‘spark’. Still bought each other roses and went on dates and had romantic candlelit nights. It still felt different. But he didn’t need to know.

Most couples who eloped had that problem. We hadn’t run away, it was just that both our families chose not o attend our wedding. It wasn’t much – close friends, good wine, decent food, cake.

Slow music played over the speakers.

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies

its compromise that keeps us along

Most people didn’t realize that the romance and the flirting didn’t last all the way. It’s just friendship and necessity that kept people together.

We still had the romance. We were both the romantic type, sometimes I’d come home to a candlelit dinner he’d cooked himself, the best wine and roses set on the table. Other times he’d come home to warm water in the bath, scented candles and sexy drinks in tall glasses. We still had surprise dates whenever we managed evenings off together, ate lunch together almost every day. And it had been that way ever since we moved in together, six years ago.

Neither of us believed that the one who cared less had the power in a relationship. We both cared, we both showed it.

But nothing is ever as rosy as it appears to be on the surface. Something that seemed perfect could be, in reality, as far from perfect as it could possibly be.

Now I’m just being dramatic.

I just wasn’t in love anymore. Sure I loved him and I loved spending time with him but I wasn’t in love. That doesn’t imply that I was faking anything though, I bought him roses when I wanted to not because it was a ritual. We had lunch together, I didn’t go because I had to, I went because I wanted to.

I don’t really know what’s bothering me. Sitting here, talking to him, I loved him, I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be but when I wasn’t with him, when I wasn’t caught up in the glow of being with a man who loved me for who I am, I knew, deep inside that my feelings for him weren’t exactly the same as they were a few months ago.

‘I love you’ was different from ‘I’m in love with you’

At least to me it was.

What was love anyway?

Aww hell, who do I think I am asking all these deep philosophical questions? All I know is that I’m married to a man who loved me and that I was as essential a part of his life as he was of mine. We were all we had.

“Are you getting messed up in your head again?” he interrupted by winding thoughts.

“Yeah…”

“What about?”

“I’m not in love with you anymore”

“Don’t lie to yourself”

I laughed and my mobile phone rang. Andrew.

“I gotta go babe, see you later…”

I got up and attempted to pay the bill, he slapped my hand away from the table.

“Go. Andrew’s waiting.” He said, with an almost teasing smile on his face.

I laughed, shook my head and picked up my bag. I looked at him and I could see the words he was trying to hide.

I leaned over, hugged him and kissed his cheek.

He held my hand as I straightened up, I looked down at him, he said, “Will you be home early?”

“I’ll try, as long as idiot Andrew doesn’t ruin my evening.

“Bye”

We held hands for about a second longer, I turned and left as my phone once again began its angry buzzing.

I probably shouldn’t have left him like that. It’s okay though, maybe our thoughts would be clearer in the evening. Maybe then we’d talk.